I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
