i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
