A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
two words: eviction party
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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