Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found the puke drawer
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
