He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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