So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
bring money and cleavage
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
