She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
