Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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