Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
