I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
