drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
