I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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