i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
