Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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