I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
