im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
