And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
