just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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