do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
