I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
