I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So vagazzling was a success
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
