So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
