i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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