Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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