Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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