this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
