what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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