I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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