if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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