I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
