If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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