What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
