So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
