hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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