i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
