I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
