Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
