That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
