it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
