I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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