Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
