dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
