There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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