Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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