Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
