Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
