Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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