Taylor Swift is so right about you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
