someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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