i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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