Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
we're so committed to being not committed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
