Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
