nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
