My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
