vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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