Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
