her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
