Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
