6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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