i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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