The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
