we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This house was built for laser tag.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
