Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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