Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
